Bonding with the Akatsuki
by Sunnyappleseeds
Summary: It is not a secret that the members of the Akatsuki do not get along. How does the leader of such an organization fix this problem? Obviously the answer is by playing a simple game of truth or dare. This is just something I wrote while I was bored :) rated M for language


**This is just a little something I wrote tonight while I was bored. Enjoy! This seemed like fun to write... I know there are a lot of them out there, but I wanted to write one of my own :) with out further ado...**

Akatsuki: truth or dare

"Could you tell me why we have to do this, hm?" Deidara asked. All of the members from the organization were present; they were in one of the more luxurious hideouts belonging to the Akatsuki. There were several couches and chairs in the room the members gathered in, allowing everyone to sit comfortably.

"It's not a secret that most of you do not get along," Pain stated from the middle of one sofa; next to him were Konan and Kisame, "and since we are all here at the same time, I decided that this could aid our team work."

"This is fucking stupid!" Hidan yelled. "I don't want to know any more about these dumb asses than I already do."

"Shut up, Hidan," Kakuzu added from across the room, "no one cares what you think."

"Why don't you shut up, you old miser."

"That's enough of this!" Pain bellowed. "Thank you for proving my point. No one here gets along, with the exception of Kisame and Itachi."

"You're forgetting me and Deidara." Tobi added from his seat on the floor next to his blond partner.

"What are you talking about, Tobi?" Deidara's eyebrows furrowed. "I can't stand you!"

"Don't be overly modest, Deidara-"

"Shut your mouth, you idiot! Hm!" Deidara replied. "I was telling the truth!"

"Everyone be quiet!" The red haired man shouted. "How are you supposed to successfully carry out missions like this?"

"Kisame and Itachi are the only ones who have failed a mission, and they work together fine," White Zetsu commented; his black side added, "so maybe we should keep things the way they are."

"Don't blame us for not capturing the Nine Tails," Kisame hissed, "we had some unexpected guests during that mission. Itachi's brother messed up our timing and allowed Jiraiya to return."

"None of this matters now," Konan added, getting aggravated, "let's just play the game, already... It is a problem that most of you hate each other."

A grumble of agreement came from the group. "I'll start since I'm the leader," Pain decided, "okay; Hidan, truth or dare?"

"This is such a dumb game," Hidan uttered, "I'll do dare."

"I dare you to stop your rituals for a week."

"What?" Hidan shrieked. "Why the fuck would I do that?"

"You have to, Hidan," Kakazu remarked, "or I'll kill you."

"You can't kill me if you wanted to."

"Maybe if you stop those ridiculous rituals of yours, you would lose your immortality." Kakazu spat back.

"Maybe if I burned all of your money, you would have five heart attacks and die already!"

"Let's move on," Pain interrupted the argument, "it's your turn, and you better honor the dare, or there will be consequences."

"In the name of Jashin... Fine," the man looked around the room, locking in on his target, "Deidara, truth or dare?"

"Hm, I'll go with truth."

"Did you and Sasori actually fuck each other?" Hidan asked blatantly.

Deidara's exposed eye grew huge. "No! I'm not gay! Where did you get that idea from, hm?"

"I heard it from Kisame!" Hidan shouted.

"What?" Deidara glared at the fish man.

"... The two of you seemed to get along quite well while he was still here, so I just assumed..." Answered Kisame.

"I could say the same for you and Itachi; you both 'get along' well."

Itachi remained silent. This was ridiculous.

"I'm not gay," Kisame corrected, "and you look rather femine..."

"Shut it," Deidara snorted, "and I never slept with Sasori, hm." The blond glanced over to the silent Uchiha. "Truth or dare?"

Since most of the people in the organization had a grudge against Itachi for some reason, or just plain didn't like him, especially Deidara, he went with truth. The dare would probably be something absurd had he gone with that option.

"All right... Why did you leave your brother alive, hm?"

"I wanted to see if he could become stronger." Itachi answered. It wasn't a lie; he did want his brother to become stronger... Though that wasn't the main reason.

"That really doesn't make any sense, Itachi." Kisame said.

"Yeah, wouldn't you want to kill that little brat? You had to know he would just come after you..." Hidan added.

"And them you let him live a second time at that hotel..." Kisame agreed.

"What's with that, hm?"

"You only get to ask one question." Th Uchiha informed them, for he wasn't about to speak the truth from his past. "Kakuzu; truth or dare?"

"Since everyone wants to watch me burn my money, I'm going with truth." The gas bag replied.

"How old are you?"

"I'm ninety one," Kakuzu responded, "I battled the first hokage and-"

"No one gives a shit about your war stories, you old geezer." Hidan interrupted.

"You are such an annoyance," the elderly male said, "Tobi?"

"I want to do truth!" Tobi announced. He didn't want anyone to know his true identity, other than those who already knew, and most people wanted him to remove his mask.

"Everyone in here is a wimp! I'm the only one who fucking picked dare!" Hidan screamed.

"Shut up, Hidan!" Pain yelled. "You are being obnoxious!"

"What are you hiding under that mask?" Ignoring his partner's complaints, Kakuzu asked the question.

"What are you hiding under your mask?" Tobi combatted.

"You're so stupid! You're supposed to answer the question, not come up with one, hm." Deidara sighed.

"Tobi's not stupid! Tobi's-"

"A good boy, I know! Just answer the damn question!" The artist cut in.

"My face." The man replied with his false idiot voice. Everyone stared at him with a look of pure disgust; how could one person act so... So ignorant?

"I pick you!" Tobi proceeded to say, pointing at the blue man.

"I'm not a wimp. Go ahead and give me a dare." The shark replied.

"Only eat shark fun soup for the next three days."

Kisame's eye twitched. "You want me to... To eat sharks?"

"Yes." A childish voice replied from behind the orange mask.

"That's cannibalism..."

"It's not all that bad, Kisame," Zetsu commented, "cannibalism is actually enjoyable."

"You're a plant, and plants don't have brains. What do you know?" Kisame glared.

"At least I'm not a giant blue fish." The other side replied.

"I can't help that I'm different!"

"Just take your turn, Kisame." The leader commanded.

"Sure thing... Itachi?" Kisame was still curious about the situation with Sasuke, since Itachi refused to answer earlier.

Knowing that this was his plan (since to HAVE to tell the truth, right? No one has ever lied during truth or dare) Itachi picked dare.

Since he didn't get the satisfying truth from Itachi, Kisame decided to embarrass his partner. "The next time we go on a mission, you have to wear your hair in high pigtails."

"You're going to regret this." Itachi stated plainly.

"Good luck trying to intimidate people looking like a littler girl, yeah." Deidara laughed.

"Look who's talking!" Hidan hollered. "The first time I saw you, I thought you were a girl!"

"At least I can get girls, hm! You have to stab yourself for pleasure, so we all know that you haven't had sex in a long time." Deidara retorted.

"Shut your fucking trap!" Hidan growled. "I can get a girl!"

"Hidan, I dare you to try to seduce Konan; if you can't, admit that you can't get any girls." Itachi instructed from his corner seat.

"I didn't even say dare, you idiot!"

"So you want to join us wimps, then?" Kakuzu commented.

"No fucking way!" He replied getting up from his seat. He strolled over to Konan and opened his mouth to speak.

"Unless you want me to suffocate you with paper, you'd better go sit back down." She threatened. She wasn't going to have some shirtless loudmouth come onto her, not after being with Yahiko.

"Looks like you fail." Deidara said with a smirk.

"That's not fair! Konan is biased!" Hidan protested.

"You still couldn't do it." Kakuzu added, wanting his partner to humiliate himself.

"Fine, I don't back out of shit," the Jashinist replied, "... I suck at getting girls, but that's not why I preform my rituals! Those are to show my devotion to-"

"No one cares about that," Kisame revealed, "we all knew Konan would shoot you down; we just wanted to hear you admit that you couldn't anyone to sleep with you."

"Whatever. Konan, which one?" Hidan asked.

"I suppose I'll pick dare..." She sighed, not really into the game.

"Admit that you think I'm sexy." He said smugly.

"I don't see the point in daring me to lie," she began, causing snickers from some of the other members, "you're sexy, Hidan." She said in a bored tone.

"I know." The religious man smiled, even though she made a fool of him.

"Let's see..." She scanned the room for people who hadn't gone. "Truth or dare?"

Zetsu turned to face her. "I'm going with... Truth." The white half answered.

"Why do you insist on eating human beings?"

"It's simple," Black Zetsu responded, "they taste good. There is nothing better than chewy people."

"That's really gross..." Deidara noted, shifting uncomfortably.

Kisame and Itachi both stared at him awkwardly, as did Kakuzu.

"That's so fucking screwed up..." Hidan commented.

"Of course the one who has orgasms from stabbing himself would call us strange." The plant guy replied.

"I told you that's not what it's for!"

"You can say that all you want, Hidan. No one believes you." Kisame joined in.

"Yeah, hm!"

"And you think looking like a girl will help you get girls? Is that right, Deidara?" Hidan interrogated.

"I don't look like a girl!"

"You just have sex with male puppets." Kisame added.

"You really want to do this, shark boy?"

"You're all being ridiculous." Itachi remarked.

"You want to get involved, too, huh?" Deidara stammered. "Why don't you take those disgusting eyes somewhere else?"

"I don't have my sharingan activated right now."

"But you're still judging my art!"

"Who gives a shit about art?" Hidan asked.

"Yeah, money is better than art." The miser agreed.

"Once I set it on fire, then it will be art, because art... Is an explosion!"

"You are all acting like children!" Konan shouted.

"The fucking shrub started it!" Hidan screeched.

"Pointing a finger at someone... Real mature; no wonder you suck with women." Deidara laughed.

"At least I don't look like a little girl and play with puppets!" Hidan snapped.

"I don't play with puppets, hm! I am a sculptor, and my art is far greater than Sasori's ever was!"

"That's not what I meant, you asshole!"

"Shut up, Hidan. Or I'll kill you."

"I already fucking told you to try it!"

"How about I just cut off your head and throw it in a river?" Konan questioned. "Then I wouldn't have to listen to you run your mouth all the time!"

"I barely ever see you!"

"Meeting you was more than enough to want to go deaf." Konan hissed.

"Tobi's a good boy!" The room went silent for a moment... These words threw everyone off...

"I'm going to ring your neck, Tobi! I can't stand to see you for another minute!" Deidara yelled.

The commotion of screams and insults started again. Two people remained silent: Itachi and Pain. Itachi did not want to get involved with this craziness known as the Akatsuki, and Pain just thought over his mistakes.

"This was a horrible idea..." He mumbled. "I'm never having all of us convene again..."


End file.
